Saturday, March 31, 2007
I feel so empty inside… which is weird because I am also feeling so many emotions right now I can’t stand it…. I feel…. I think, pain, anger, despair, sadness, hurt, depression…… and that is just the start of the emotions I feel right now….. but I think what I feel the most right now is……. Just lost…… like…?.......... well…….. I think I just want to walk off in one direction and never look back…. I mean NEVER look back….. like not have a point in walking… no destination….. I also mean to not stop… even to eat, sleep, or take a leak…… I mean just walk till you reach either nothingness or death…. The edge of reality…. I don’t mean that I want to disappear and start over either… I mean…… well like I said, to just walk and not look back…. I mean I LOVE my wife and daughter, and my friends and family but…. I just want it all to end, you know? Probably not….. I mean I’m tired of living… but not exactly ready to give up and die….. I was talking to my best friend this evening and while I know I’m not his best friend anymore I’m fine with that…. I mean I want to see him happy and yet…. All of the things we talked about just kept making the both of us more and more depressed…. Thoughts like “What if I get out there and he doesn’t want to admit to my feelings?” and all I could really think was something more like “It’s a chance…. That’s what we all have to deal with…. It is all more on how you deal with these chances that makes us who we are and will be…” and then we just got way more depressed from there….. I feel so lost…… and that is my constant state of mind lately…. I’m so screwed…. Because I know that no matter what I do I’ll never find my way…. Nothingness…. That is all that there is…….Nothingness……………..
Knight's past was posted at
Thursday, March 29, 2007
As the moon rises I see your beautiful face, and I know that we are meant to stay together forever. When I look into your eyes, I see my future…. With you. I wake every morning and think of you. (and Katrina!) As the moon shines high I can hear your sweet voice, and I can taste your sweet lips as we kiss. I can feel your soft skin against mine, as I embrace you in a hug. I can feel your warm breath upon my chest as you sleep on my shoulder. (I can feel as Katrina stirs slightly on my other shoulder) {I have my world right here on my shoulders} as we sleep the moon begins to set, and I think{my world is falling apart!} then as the moon sets my world falls into darkness………
But that is why it is named
“The moon that never sets”!
There can never be darkness as long as you’re here!
{In my heart}
Knight's past was posted at
Why do I keep living? Huh? I’m serious! Why?! I’m pissed…. There is nothing for me to live for… no point to anything…. No point to living, breathing, eating, sleeping, blinking, seeing, hearing… ……………………………. Feeling……… Why do I feel? I have no point in living…. So why do I feel? Hell I don’t even have a point in dying!! So, why do I keep living? Is there some great point that I don’t understand???!!! Really, is there really any point in it….? ................ I can only see that there is no point….
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I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing……………… I feel nothing……… I only know that I love my daughter… and…… maybe…….no I won’t say it… I’ll just ignore it and it will just go away won’t it. Nothingness…. That is all that there is……. Nothingness…………….
Knight's past was posted at
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Well it's been almost a month but I am writing a new post! (About damned time!) Lets see here...... I've been looking for work..... playing video games with my little sisters....... trying to work on my game.......... looking at all the old pics of my wife from way back when....... looking for work....... seeing my nephew...... filling out job aplications........ looking for work....... I've tried to read a book or three......... ummm.......... did I mention looking for work? I hope so. wow..... thats a lot for me...... it's cold out...... it's dark........ I miss my wife and daughter!!!!!!! :`( I need my shoulder monsters!!!!!
Knight's past was posted at